I have been asked recently if I have any regrets in my life. I have been on this earth for 51 years, not a real long time, but I am not a newbie either. In my mind I am still in my 20's, but I have learned a few things, despite my natural inclination to resist this learning.. LOL anyway, on the topic of regrets. Do I have any?
I try to be a positive person, with a positive outlook on things. I dont try to think about negative stuff so much because I deal with a lot of negativity in my profession, I dont want it to interfere with my life outside of work.
Webster defines Regret as :
ri-'gret-verb-1 a: to mourn the loss or death of b: to miss very much
2: to be very sorry for
After careful consideration I have found that I only have one regret in life. I regret my choice to marry my ex husband 31 yrs ago. In spite of the only good thing that ever came out of that marriage (Breanna). There were lots of bad things. We were not alike at all, I was educated, he was not, I was looking for a career, he was not, I was athletic, he was not, I believed in becoming a better person through living a good life, having a good education, and treating people like I wanted to be treated. He did not.
I am not going to bore you with the horrible details, of violent arguments (I did not come from a home where my parents argued so this terrified me), and verbal abuse, mental abuse and living in fear for so many years.(21 to be exact) I am sure you can figure it out. Suffice it to say that I understand the battered wife syndrome and I was a victim, and without the love of my family and my friends I would have been lost forever.
He was not and is not a nice person. Still, 11 yrs after our breakup, I bear a huge amount of resentment. I have come to terms with it, but it most definately IS my biggest and possibly only regret.
As I said before, the one and only positive thing that came out of that relationship is Breanna, the light of my life. And I thank God every day that she is more like my side of the family than like her fathers. In fact she is a lot like Dana, and I thank God for that too... Please take a minute and visit her blog today Maverick Miracles and share my pride in her outlook for the future, her willingness to share her political opinion and her love for her country.
Isnt she awesome?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Regrets? and Pride....
Posted by Tonjia at 12:01 PM
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5 comments:
I am so sorry your first marriage was so bad, that word just isn't strong enough for what you went through. But you are right, Bre is the best thing to come out of it. You have a lot to be proud of!
It must have been difficult to share such a painful chapter of your life. Fortunately, you have Breanna..a bright and beautiful young woman. It may be a cliche`..you've come a long way, baby!
~AirmanMom returning to her blog...
I, like you, do not dwell on regrets or things of the past. We can not change it, or undo it. It is what it is....yes, I too wish I had not married my ex husband. I was young, was leaving a very bad home life, and I THOUGHT he was everything I was looking for. He was just the first guy that showed me attention. His mom loved me, but didn't think we should get married either. I can respect that opinion NOW. I didn't then of course. But I also am thankful I have my two children. So with all the bad we can try to find good. My children are not hard to Find the Good, they ARE the Good. They are my life. They still have a relationship with their father, I have to let it, I don't have to like it, but then again....it is what it is. And they are good.
Being able to talk about this and find the positive is a sign you don't regret but now see it as a stepping stone of life. We all have them, and some may be a bit harder than others. But having them makes us recognize the good ones a bit easier.
Ex husbands are funny things. I've been apart from mine for 12 years and been happily re married for 10, but i still have nightmares about my ex.
Some things take longer to heal because when we trust someone or want to trust them 100% we are really vulnerable to them.
Ask God to take your resentments and soften your heart towards your ex. It will work :o)
But you are right, your daughter is a beautiful product of your past :o)
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